I've decided to donate ten dollars every ten days of sobriety to Belle's efforts on Tired of Thinking About Drinking. This is the opposite of what I usually do which is reward myself for staying abstinent.
Maybe I am just not putting enough importance on myself and undeserving of rewards. I am the Queen of Self-Sabotage.
As usual I am drinking very occasionally and hardly anything ... just enough to nullify any pride or satisfaction I would get from total sobriety.
One's mind does play tricks on one.
Mine is constantly attempting to ensure failure in all my goals.
I have so much on my plate right now. I won't go into it but I feel like yelling "Stop the world; I want to get off."
A few days in and feeling cautiously hopeful.