Wednesday 30 April 2014

If I Can Make it a Little While Longer...

Right now, it's tough to be sober as I am temporarily residing in a commercial condominium AKA living at work.  We run a family construction business and have sold our home recently.  Luckily we have the shop downstairs to store our furniture, etc. and we have a pull out couch in the main area of the office, a little kitchenette, shower and toilet.  It's pretty rudimentary and very boring.  I have nothing much to do except the little bit of office work I do daily and surfing the net.  I have my trusty rusty rebounder leaning up against a wall and as per a few posts ago, must get moving in order to meet some of my sobriety goals.  The good news is I am still not drinking. 

We have submitted our building application and should be given the green light to dig the hole to begin construction in less than a month.  We plan on moving a trailer to the property and staying there during the week to keep an eye on the work and material.  On the weekends, we will commute to the lake house. The view from the verandah is my cover photo.  It's been a drinking, partying place these past two summers but with the four little ones that have appeared in the past three years, things have toned down significantly which is another reason for me to abstain. 

While my husband and I really enjoy each other's company I am alone for hours at a time.  After we move to our construction site I will keep myself busy during my time alone with community involvement, family, making new friends and other such fun. 

I am so anxious for my husband and I to have a home again and to begin this new chapter of our life together.

So hurry up Summer!!  I am hanging on by a thread!!

Recovery Room

I am in the process of building a two bedroom bungalow in a little village close to the city and right around the corner from my children and grandchildren.  This move was one of the catalysts to begin this sober journey in earnest. 
The second bedroom is small; 10' x 10' and will serve a few purposes.  I'll use it as a guest room by putting a futon in it.  I am tucking a baby crib in the opening for the closet we don't plan on using as such.

I have made the bold decision to make this my "Recovery Room" .
I will spend my evenings there abstaining from drink and the internet (another one of my addictions). 
My plan is to paint it a deep mauve, have candles, teas, incense, live plants and, most importantly recovery and spiritual books on the shelves.  Rather than photos or decorative art, I will place framed inspirational quotes on the walls and when there, my native or other gentle music will play. 
I plan on installing a simple laptop not connected to the internet so I can work on my blog posts, creative writing and other non-cyber activities. I will knit there, play my keyboard, read my books, meditate and sip tea. I will bring friends in one by one for quiet chats. I will encourage my children to use the room when rocking their little ones to sleep or taking a nap when visiting so they can scan the walls and shelves and absorb the wise words.

This is more than a dream come true. It will serve as a constant reminder to myself and my children that recovery is ongoing, positive, not to be hidden and a journey in itself.  I plan on making a sign to hang on the door as another reminder.   
With this room as my refuge in this little house, I feel I have another powerful tool in my arsenal.  Today is only day 6 but this is my final quit.  I can feel it deep inside the heart of my being. 
Do you have a spare room? Would you consider dedicating an entire room in your home to your own nurturing and recovery?

I'll post photos.

Tuesday 29 April 2014

What Alcohol Has Taken From Me

Over time I've let a lot of things go, replacing them with sitting and drinking my evenings away or nursing a hangover.

What follows is a list of what I hope to do more of or begin doing again in the coming weeks as the booze slowly filters out of my body, my brain and my soul:

  • Daily exercise - At age 57 I simply can't let lethargy and inactivity dominate my life any longer.  I will start slow as my Zen Habits guru instructs.  I will incorporate a few minutes of movement daily building up to a half hour of movement
  • Personal Hygiene - Some days, rather than hopping in the shower or striving to look my best, I just mope and vegetate.  Sobriety will help me self nurture and taking care of this aging body will become a priority.
  • Meditation - I have read numerous times that a daily short period of meditation is helpful in acquiring the presence of mind to follow through with a new habit or lifestyle.  I hope to incorporate this period of quiet time into my mornings.
  • Hydration - Water, water, water is so valuable for vitality, energy, well being and a healthy, functioning body.  Wine dehydrates and so does coffee.  As my previous two drinks of choice, I was as dry as a desert.  Drinking lots of water is part of my plan
  • Healthy Eating - As a daily drinker, cooking wholesome foods only went as far as gazing longingly at the food porn in the recipe books.  I will endeavour to create some amazing, life-giving foods for myself and my family
  • Hobbies - Every time I gave up booze for a few days in the past, I naturally gravitated towards my beloved hobbies: knitting, playing the keyboard, reading and creative writing.  I intend to create knitted sweaters, sweet music and heartfelt stories in my sobriety.  I will re-read my favourite recovery books and spiritual writings.
  • Presence - No more zoned out partner.  No more Granny with a Wine Glass!  My husband and I will enjoy picnics in the park, walks along the river, gardening and cooking together.  My little ones will enjoy storytelling and sleepovers with their Sober Granny.  I am so fortunate to be living close to them during their formative years.  If I can leave a positive imprint in their lives, my sobriety goal will be that much sweeter.
I know the above list seems quite in depth and insurmountable (or is it just me??) but taking it slow and allowing myself ample time to undo all the harm I've taken 12 years to inflict upon myself will be the way I'll proceed.

Monday 28 April 2014

Finding my Soul Beyond the Red Hue of a Wine Glass

As a 57 year old woman; wife to my best friend and grandmother of 3 little ones with a 4th on the way, I am on day 4 of my umpteenth and final attempt at abstinence from daily wine drinking. 

I am not a falling down drunk, have never caused a scene and my friends and family don't know I have a problem. I know it because it takes up too much of my precious time. At any given moment in time I am either planning to drink, drinking, regretting drinking, planning to stop drinking or attempting to abstain from drinking. It's a vicious cycle and I am tired of it. 

For the next year or two, I will chronicle my life as a sober wife, mother and granny with total honesty about the ups and downs of achieving what will be the most difficult and rewarding goal of my lifetime: sobriety. I am searching and am confident I will find the soul of the woman that lies beyond the red hue of a glass of red.

Follow along on my journey.  If you find yourself to be in similar circumstances, then you've come to the right place as I am a relentless seeker of useful information and will be sharing every tidbit and tool I find with you, the reader and hopefully, my sister in sobriety.

Although math was never my strong point, I calculate that I probably have close to thirty years of living left in this body if nothing untoward befalls me.  I have wasted much of the last 12 years numbing out the pain, joy, love and fear with red wine.  My goal is to live those remaining years as a vibrant, joyful, active, wise woman and an example to my children and grandkids.

Along the way I hope to learn to practice self-care, conscious living, meditation and a moderate, simple lifestyle.  Please join me and remember that if we don't change direction, we just may end up where we are headed!