Don't Want to Be Like My Mom

I spent the day at the hospital with my elderly Mom who was in severe back pain right behind her heart.  We (myself and the paramedics) thought it could be a heart attack.  We had her checked out and blood work done with no heart problems other than what is normal for her age found.  When I got home the thought of having a nice stiff drink occurred to me.  Instead I had a bath and shaved my legs, put on comfy PJ's and surfed the net for a spell.  I went to bed happy but tired.

Mom is on strong painkillers and I AM SOBER!!

She is NOT. But that's another story.

I think Mom was sent to live with me to teach me what to expect if I continue to drink.  She is so frail, so slurry and so sad/angry.  I remember her when she was my age having a few beers watching her Toronto Blue Jays or Toronto Maple Leafs and it was all fun and games.  Now she is desperately hanging on to when she can reasonably ask for her first and gaging when it might work out if she asks for a second (or third if she gets really nervy).  I try to be tough with her but she is a lost cause.  At 85 she is beyond reach at this point.  I want my life's path to meander in the complete opposite direction to hers:

She is old and frail:  I hope to be strong and vibrant at 85
She is negative: I am positive and want to stay that way
She is obsessed with her next fix:  I want to be well beyond that stinkin' thinkin' when I am her age
She doesn't eat or exercise besides sugar, booze and shuffling through the dollar store
I want to continue to cook, experiment with fantastic food and enjoy each and every bite.  I hope to be a Granny on the Go!!
She picks favourites and has the capacity to hate those who are not in her good books.  I love my children and grandchildren equally and never want any of them to feel 'less than' in my eyes.
She cannot manage her finances: I hope to continue gaining financial security through smart investments and smart savings plans.
Mom gets very angry when her booze is limited:  I don't want to have booze as an issue ever again.

I have to say that, although I am painting a nasty image of my elderly mother, she is doing her best to be easy to live with and we are somewhat enjoying her and watching her become less judgemental and sullen in our happy, fun home.

I pray (in my own way as I am not religious) that I will not have a 'what the hell' moment and start drinking.  I hope that I am as done as I feel I am at this moment.

Blogging is one of the few ways to keep me on track so here I am.

xoxo