New Weapon in my Arsenal

Hello out there in Soberville!

I have added another weapon to my growing arsenal in my bid to beat the beast.  I managed to download an application to my phone that counts sober days.  I installed it on the front page of my phone where my contacts, text app and the other well used icons are.  I refer to it a few times a day as it not only counts days, months and years but it also counts minutes which seems to matter right now.

I didn't realize when I was in the midst of my record breaking 100 + days of sobriety that my relapse would last over three months.  I have been slipping, sliding and slurping my way through these past few months never achieving more than a few days without a drink.  I've not been over-doing it by society's standards but am still determined to be completely sober.

We all know that each relapse is worse than the previous one and harder to recover from.  I wish I was the exception but, alas, I am just like you and all the other drinkers.  Relapse is a bitch; not only because I broke a beautiful string of sober days but because it put me in the dark, slippery drinking pit with slick sides, a muddy bottom and very few visible hands reaching in to help me out.  The hands were there but being an *idiot, I distanced myself from this blog, the cyber sober world and all credible help available when I started slipping down the hole.

*Idiot:  the word I am struggling to banish from my self-described countenance.  I went for a walk in the bush by the river yesterday at dusk and found a quiet spot by the frozen river surrounded by leafless trees and rocky outcroppings.  I sat on a hollow log and earnestly prayed for one thing: Self Love.

I believe another weapon that will come in very handy, if not slay the beast, is the acceptance of all of my past wrongs, mistakes, poor judgement and failures.  I am focusing on learning to love me.  I have this voice in my head that points out my perceived ugliness, laziness and worthlessness.  Being aware of it's chiding voice is really helping with my slow march towards serenity and sobriety.

I've had a strange, spiritual phenomenon occur lately that should be published in an 'angel' book or something.  This spiritual 'sign' has awoken my senses and ignited my soul's passion.  I'll describe it in a later post.  The universe is guiding me and pushing me towards an enlightened life.  My journey continues.... it's been 3 days, 00 hours and 10 minutes since the wine I drank at my Uncle's new condo.  Love this new weapon!