2015 in Review

An honest review of 2015 would reflect some great advances in my authentic life and some items that have not totally been addressed and resolved.

In 2015 I began and continued my morning meetings with my neighbor for an hour of conversation, a reading from a 'book of awakening' and a ten minute meditation.  We were meeting every day for the first six months and I cut that down to the work days with weekends to lie in and that worked beautifully for me.  The morning starts at 5:30 a.m. and this, in itself, allows for an extra two hours of productivity which has made a big impact on my day to day living.

I have become much more organized and this makes me very happy.  I still procrastinate but not to the extent I have in the past.  My office work is usually caught up and my house tidy.  I have to say that I am better able to stay focused on the present moment and to not take things personally thanks to the meditation and our daily chats.  My meditation partner is a complicated person with her own set of problems but together we plod along helping each other become better people.  I keep a social distance from her as I am averse to letting people (especially neighbors) get too casually comfortable in my home.  I think I have to work on this.  As much as I proclaim to be open-minded, I have a protective barrier installed at my front door.  This I am aware of.

I have began using essential oils and enjoying them immensely.  I have found a Native themed woman's circle that sings to my heart.  I have joined the Syrian Refugee Welcoming Committee in our small village.  I have dabbled in yoga.

I have had glorious, plentiful time with Sofia, aged 5, Mason and Jack, aged two, Reyna, aged 18 months and little Josie, aged 5 months.  I have brought them for walks in the woods, raspberry, strawberry and blueberry picking.  We've swam at the lake together.  We've had dance parties in my solarium, baked and iced cookies and had lots of fun.  They love their Granny and I adore each of them.

My husband and I have invited my elderly mother to come live with us and she's been here since September in all her alcoholic glory.  We sprung a deal that she would be allowed no more than one beer a day. Over the long, drawn out Christmas season she has managed to get around that promise. When I watch her desperate efforts to get another glass of booze, I would be blind and stupid to not see my future should I continue to drink.

Drink: I have continued to partake.  The good news is that I am drinking less booze than ever.  The bad news is it still unsettles me that booze still dominates my thoughts.

My wish for 2016 is to return from my trip to Mexico on January 16th and begin a sober, completely abstinent year.  Not only do I wish to be sober but I also want to attend all the gatherings where booze flourishes and to thumb my nose at convention and have a fantastic time sans alcohol.  I want to laugh, dance, tell jokes and be my tipsy, vibrant self all the while sipping on cranberry and soda.

Wishing is one thing; doing is another.  My plan is to stay close to this blog and others like it.  I would love a sober pen pal whose situation is similar to mine: a repeat relapser who is at least of middle age and preferably a (former) wine drinker.  It would be best if it was a she and a high functioning alcoholic.  The more we have in common the better.  Any takers?

While my life has become more authentic this year in many ways, my plan is to accomplish the biggest goal of my life: a year of sobriety.  Achieving this will open the door for this wonderful path of life to turn a corner and veer into uncharted territory: true authenticity, real emotions felt and dealt with, a sense of accomplishment and pride and best of all, the lightness of being that comes with a monkey thrown off one's back forever.

My word for 2016 is Presence.  I need to be present in order to stay conscious of what matters.

Happy New Year!