Feeling Groovy

Life is good.  Life is, actually, fantastic.  It is not because everything is going perfectly, which happens to be the case.  Rather, it's because I have chosen happiness.  I tend to be a positive person with sprinklings of self-loathing interspersed here and there.  I remain positive but the negative self talk has ebbed to the point where it's absence is making way for pure joy.

I am taking pleasure in the little accomplishments I achieve.  I am forgiving of my lapses in judgement (no, I am NOT drinking).  Each day I manage to check a goal off my list of small daily goals.  By setting very achievable daily goals, my chances of success are high and this makes for a happy Granny.

Spring is in the air ... we still have tons of snow but it's starting to melt and the maple sap is starting to flow.  We've had a record breaking cold winter and we are all so ready to enjoy our five months of warm weather.

Being A/F is the best choice for me.  Each time I have flirted with the idea of moderating, I drink more than one and even if I only have had three glasses of wine, it drastically affects my sleep and my hydration.  After so many attempts at drinking, I think the boozing hat is permanently put on a shelf.  It's been a little while now and it feels good.

Since my son and DIL have been living with me (with their 20 month old sweetie) we've been eating like kings.  I'm having a bit of a hard time dropping my holiday weight and hope to shed these remaining 8 pounds before bathing suit season.  Walking and rebounding are my preferred exercise.

I finally bit the bullet and applied to volunteer at a Hospice for those battling life threatening diseases.  The church where the hospice is run is a short walk from my house so that should make it easy to keep my commitment.  I am anxious to start the work.

Here's hoping that spring has sprung where you hale from!!  I know some of you are heading towards winter.  Sigh ...

Women Unite!!

Why can`t us woman band together and fix all the problems of the world...

We have relied on our brothers, fathers and sons to run this planet and look at the mess they`ve made of it.  The violence, anger, distrust, destruction and mayhem that is prevalent at this point in the evolution of our home planet, Earth, is at it`s breaking point.  We are allowing men to destroy the planet from all angles.

We, as women are more than 50% of the world`s population.  As a mass of people, we have power; by power I mean positive energy.  How can we rally ALL the women on the planet to rise up and take over from our weary men... they`ve exhausted every option except peace, love and forgiveness.

Can you love the ISIS.. Can you love Hitler ... Can you love rapists, serial killers and those whose actions have labelled them to be your enemies.  Can you accept the fact that violence begets violence and that every child is born innocent.  Life`s experiences and our sensitive, damaged souls create undesirable and even, despicable behaviour.

If you were raised in violence, tortured, yourself, as a young child, do you not think you might be one of the perpetrators... we all could.

Let`s start an uprising of peaceful demonstrative women.  We can save the planet from self-implosion if we begin by loving, not only our families and friends, but our enemies.  It`s that simple.  The seed of love and forgiveness can be planted and with nurturing, perseverance and tender care, a massive wave of peace can be built, one act of kindness at a time.

We, sober bloggers, have been struggling with one of life`s greatest challenges.  We`ve been in the trenches; some of us for years.  If our focus extended out from ourselves and we used the same determination, drive and relentlessness that we`ve needed for our continued sobriety on saving our planet, you never know what we could accomplish.

Random Acts of Kindness

I`ve been practicing random acts of kindness in the past twenty four hours and, already, I feel the difference in my mood.  Just doing little things like taking someone`s cart back to the grocery store for them after they`ve done loading, running to the store for my busy DIL and other small niceties (that I should have been doing anyways) have made ME feel good.

It`s the little things in life that make a difference.  I hope to continue this practice and not forget about it after a few days.  Remind me, would-ja...

I am anxious to start having the grandchildren over for sleep-overs when they`re old enough and the oldest one will be this summer.  What fun it will be to bake with her and play games, etc.  I don`t get to see some of the little ones as much as I would like but when I really think about it, it`s my doing as well as their parent`s.  A little phone call or text requesting an audience with the little urchins is usually all it takes.

Today I plan on starting to write a small biography of my favourite uncle, Godfather and best friend; who is 83.  He will be delighted to tell me all about his varied and fascinating life.

I am checking things off my list of doing one thing a day that makes a difference in my bucket or to do list and feel the satisfaction of that.

Onward and upward and still SOBER... day 98 (counting BACK from 100) LOL...

The Scattered Mind

I am not sure if it is as a result of my drinking, the onset of menopause or if I have always been this way but I can never string a thought or idea along from it's inception to it's end.

I have so many plans, so many ideas and so many goals.  I can't seem to follow through on any of them.  I live a good, reasonably healthy life and many would say I do get a lot done.  But alas, my short and long term bucket list never seems to have check marks beside the items listed.

I do manage one darn thing daily: my meditations.  I religiously head over to my neighbor's house across the street every morning at 6:00 a.m. to complete this wonderful habit.  Without fail (unless I am away) I manage to complete this practice.  But that's where it ends.  I have a lake house to rent and hopefully to sell, an office to run, a house to maintain, grandchildren to spend time with, exercise to complete, passions to explore and numerous other dreams, hopes and plans.  I am so scattered when it comes to following through on the baby steps I set out for myself in these areas.  The lake house remains empty and unsold, the house is messy, the exercise is sporadic, the grandchildren are not seen as much as I would like and the office always has unfinished work.

My starts and stops with drinking must be tied into this scattered cycle I've been forced to chosen to live with.  I know, one thing at a time!  But when you've been trying to quit drinking for as long as I have, you just can't let everything else fall by the wayside while concentrating only on abstaining.

I've made so many lists ... good lists ... that I seem to ignore.  What is it inside me that works so vigorously to sabotage any small successes I might have?  Deep in my psyche there must be a profound self-loathing that manifests itself in my rootless, meandering, scattered day to day life.

What can I do to change this?

Pick Yourself Up, Dust yourself off ...

OK, so here's where I'm at...

Had a bit of a slide down Booze Alley in the past few days.  You know how it starts ... stupidly innocently enough.

After a few days I've already come to my senses and hopped back on the wagon.  I won't promise it will be for a lifetime but I do promise it will be part of a 100 day countdown starting at 100 and working it's way down to zero.  I've chosen this angle just to switch things up and to freshen up the drudgery of yet, another, kick at the can.

Today is day 99 as I did not partake last night (within a very challenging situation where everyone at the cottage I was at was extolling the virtues of this amazing, wonderful, smooth, fruity, treacherously, dangerous bottle of red).

On June 14th, day 0 I will receive a letter I've written to myself via a great website: futureme.org that allows for this type of thing.  This letter will remind me of how I feel now, immediately following breaking my latest commitment to abstinence.

It's not that I am a wrecking ball to others when I start up with the booze; it's that I am a wrecking ball to my sleep quality, obsessive mind, self-confidence, general over-all health and serenity.

I only careened off my intended path for a few days but my mind instantly became altered after the first sip.  My first thought was to create NEW rules about drinking:  "I will only drink when ...."   Then I became obsessively aware of how much we had in the house, which restaurants we would go to, when the next opportunity would present itself.  I also, simultaneously, began breaking any and all rules I set out for myself.  Sound familiar?

So, if you are here for the perfect abstainer to enlighten you with her wisdom, you've come to the wrong place.  If you are here to take comfort and learn from a fellow life traveller's ups and downs then stick around.

Maybe one day we can become wise together and become the Gurus of sobriety.

But until then ... sigh ....