The Scattered Mind

I am not sure if it is as a result of my drinking, the onset of menopause or if I have always been this way but I can never string a thought or idea along from it's inception to it's end.

I have so many plans, so many ideas and so many goals.  I can't seem to follow through on any of them.  I live a good, reasonably healthy life and many would say I do get a lot done.  But alas, my short and long term bucket list never seems to have check marks beside the items listed.

I do manage one darn thing daily: my meditations.  I religiously head over to my neighbor's house across the street every morning at 6:00 a.m. to complete this wonderful habit.  Without fail (unless I am away) I manage to complete this practice.  But that's where it ends.  I have a lake house to rent and hopefully to sell, an office to run, a house to maintain, grandchildren to spend time with, exercise to complete, passions to explore and numerous other dreams, hopes and plans.  I am so scattered when it comes to following through on the baby steps I set out for myself in these areas.  The lake house remains empty and unsold, the house is messy, the exercise is sporadic, the grandchildren are not seen as much as I would like and the office always has unfinished work.

My starts and stops with drinking must be tied into this scattered cycle I've been forced to chosen to live with.  I know, one thing at a time!  But when you've been trying to quit drinking for as long as I have, you just can't let everything else fall by the wayside while concentrating only on abstaining.

I've made so many lists ... good lists ... that I seem to ignore.  What is it inside me that works so vigorously to sabotage any small successes I might have?  Deep in my psyche there must be a profound self-loathing that manifests itself in my rootless, meandering, scattered day to day life.

What can I do to change this?