Monday, 9 March 2015

The Scattered Mind

I am not sure if it is as a result of my drinking, the onset of menopause or if I have always been this way but I can never string a thought or idea along from it's inception to it's end.

I have so many plans, so many ideas and so many goals.  I can't seem to follow through on any of them.  I live a good, reasonably healthy life and many would say I do get a lot done.  But alas, my short and long term bucket list never seems to have check marks beside the items listed.

I do manage one darn thing daily: my meditations.  I religiously head over to my neighbor's house across the street every morning at 6:00 a.m. to complete this wonderful habit.  Without fail (unless I am away) I manage to complete this practice.  But that's where it ends.  I have a lake house to rent and hopefully to sell, an office to run, a house to maintain, grandchildren to spend time with, exercise to complete, passions to explore and numerous other dreams, hopes and plans.  I am so scattered when it comes to following through on the baby steps I set out for myself in these areas.  The lake house remains empty and unsold, the house is messy, the exercise is sporadic, the grandchildren are not seen as much as I would like and the office always has unfinished work.

My starts and stops with drinking must be tied into this scattered cycle I've been forced to chosen to live with.  I know, one thing at a time!  But when you've been trying to quit drinking for as long as I have, you just can't let everything else fall by the wayside while concentrating only on abstaining.

I've made so many lists ... good lists ... that I seem to ignore.  What is it inside me that works so vigorously to sabotage any small successes I might have?  Deep in my psyche there must be a profound self-loathing that manifests itself in my rootless, meandering, scattered day to day life.

What can I do to change this?


  1. Belle suggests to do a thing for 15 minutes at a time. I tried it and you'd be surprised how much you get done in fifteen minutes!

  2. Been thinking of you...try to focus on what you Are getting done instead of what's being left undone..the morning meditation is a huge accomplishment! You have a lot going on in your life...cut yourself some slack...what was different about your mindset during your last sober stretch? Big hug!

  3. Let me know when you figure it out.

  4. Thanks for the comments. I am doing one important thing a day for now. I mapped out two months of stuff. Hopefully that will get me on the right track.

  5. Just plan one day at a time. Looking too far ahead makes it easy to throw in the towel when things get off track.

    Just for today don't drink. Go back and read how happy and free you felt on your last long stretch of sobriety.

    Go to a meeting. Call a therapist. Declare you're desire to be sober to the world and don't let you friends change you mind.

    You can find a way past that fear that hides as self sabatoge.