If my sobriety is interrupted, I know exactly what will cause it. I am only four months in and am starting to feel very complacent. I don't check the other sober blogs as much. I don't hang out at mywayout.org as often as I used to. I don't feel inspired to blog here much. This is very dangerous.
My husband and I have been to hell and back living in this trailer on the construction site with the terrible weather we've had. It's been a freezing cold summer with lots of torrential rain. The trailer floor has been smeared with mud for weeks, the hot water stopped working, the power stopped chilling the fridge and we had major flooding in the basement of the new house. As well we flooded our neighbors but that's another story. My husband went to check out the water's depth and stepped off the ladder into waist high water and, for the second time this summer; both due to rain, ruined his cell phone. Last evening the rain finally stopped pounding and we did a major cleanup and got everything back in working order. We spent hours pumping out the basement, mopping the water and debris into a corner, changing the trailer's bed linens, cleaning out the rotten food in the fridge, sweeping and mopping the muddy floors and getting ourselves cleaned up. We then went for supper at a local restaurant / bar. If there was draft beer on the menu, I would've had one. For sure. I checked.
I don't know whether that one beer would have started the usual progression that leads straight to nightly drinking but, in the past, one drink is all it took.
The reason this happened is complacency. I am so quick to think "Problem Solved ... onward and upward". I don't want to own my sobriety; I want it to just be. But sobriety cannot be left unattended. It tends to misbehave. Every time I've started feeling cocky, I've been tricked into drinking by my own self talk. Every decision I've ever made to drink has been a split second one. My monkey mind sees a hole in my armour and stealthily but quickly slides in and makes it's move. It works every time and last night it worked. I didn't feel like a bottled beer, a glass of wine but I sure felt like a nice cold Stella Artois on tap. I settled for a coffee.
I think we, ex-drinkers, and especially me, should respect the indecisive months we put into making the decision to abstain from alcohol by giving the decision to drink more than a moment's thought.
I would like to commit to not taking that first drink without having one night pass from the time I decide to drink to actually taking the drink, itself. It's the least I can do to honour what's best for my well being.
... and I have to stay close... I need you guys. Don't let me get cocky or complacent. It's my Achilles heel.