Wednesday, 20 August 2014

My Sister: My Trigger

My sister from Toronto, which is a five hour drive from the Nation's Capital, Ottawa, which is the area I live in was visiting back in April when I took my last drink.  On that non-descript night, we had some wine before dinner with cheese and crackers and a few more glasses with dinner.  I was tipsy, played the keyboard for my sister and when they went back to their hotel room, I went to bed.  It was an uneventful night, but followed a few low points in my drinking career that had occurred over the previous weeks.  For some reason, I stopped permanently that night.

This same sister, who is not a big drinker, is visiting this week.  I took her up to the lake and there is lovely wine up there.  She told me she didn't need to drink and happily abstained for the few days we were there together doing some sisterly bonding.

Those few days were surprisingly challenging for me to stay sober.  Duh??? Why??  She did not make a fuss and happily drank soda water with cranberry juice and sampled my collection of teas.  It was all me.  We put together a few gourmet meals that we enjoyed with candlelight and soft music which could have been my trigger.  Was she my trigger; my older sister who I've always felt a little in awe of?  I just don't know why her presence upset my abstinence apple cart. 

It doesn't really matter as I was sober and had a nice time with her.  She is a major cheerleader in my sobriety crusade and tells me she is so proud of me and that she could never give up her addiction which is chocolate.  She also tells me I didn't act like an alcoholic and that she was never concerned for my drinking.  Most people say that but we, boozers, know that it's what OUR minds are doing that determines whether we have a problem; not what others see.

Into my fourth month now and plan on being sober forever.  I am working on establishing some healthy addictions like exercise, meditation and veggie eating right now but have yet to put a solid plan in place.  Procrastination is still my 'go to' practice as fear seems to have a grip on me when it comes to making positive change.  My post about my office work procrastination seemed to light a candle under my arse and I got that under control so maybe I'll post more about my other procrastination victims and see if that helps.

One thing at a time. 

1 comment:

  1. Isn't it interesting that family members can be triggers and they don't even know it!? Awesome Deb you are a real inspiration to me. Post about your procrastinations all you like. I love hearign your strategies :)