Tread Gently on My Soul

I have been a little frustrated with my meditation practice in that I seem to have a wandering mind and have a hard time keeping it uncluttered while in meditation.

I was afraid that it was not benefiting me whatsoever but this morning after sitting again with a busy, monkey mind, I gave it some thought and realized that the one thing that has improved since I've started meditating is that I am not as harsh with myself.  I have accepted my weaknesses and pushed myself gently recently rather than calling myself names inwardly and feeling like a loser.

It's probably tied to the fact that I have consistently gotten up at 5:45 each morning, traipsed across the street and actually attempted meditation and spiritual/spirited discussion.  Doing anything consistently is a major victory for me.  I have to admit to myself that I'm getting closer to beating my morning coffee addiction in that my first drink of the day has become tea.  I still have my java but the dependence is wavering.  Many people promote coffee but, like all my bad habits, one cup is never enough.  When I drink coffee, I DRINK COFFEE!!  I hope to continue slowing down the caffeine hits as time progresses.

When do I start feeling like I've been reborn, cured, free, enlightened?  Does it ever happen?  I am starting to accept that there will never be a time when I don't have some little thing I wish to change about myself or my routine.  I am a work in progress.  I don't mind this constant need to better myself as long as I go about it gently.  Also, since it is a never ending process, I must find a way to feel like 'I've arrived' soon or I'll never get that satisfaction.

The key to being happy is to accept one's situation, limitations and, indeed, ONESELF.  So, gently I go, celebrating 50 days of mostly uninterrupted meditation, a week or two of caffeine decrease, a month and a bit of control over alcohol and some pretty consistent rebounding exercises.  I've been losing the holiday weight and that feels great.

I bought a stencil that I am putting by my beloved bathtub so I can read it daily as I bathe.  It says "Make Each Day Your Masterpiece".  As I was colouring in the stencil, my marker refused to work as I was doing the 'y' in the word 'your'.  Try as I might, it just would not fill in that 'y'.  I take that as a sign from the universe that my job is to ensure those around me feel like their day spent with me is a 'masterpiece'.

Today I will make this day OUR masterpiece.  We all have the ability to influence everyone we meet and we've all met people who make us feel great about ourselves.  Today, that person will be me.

I will tread gently on my soul and massage it with love and kindness.