Tuesday, 12 May 2015

From Chaos to Order

This morning`s meditation was a success in that I finally was able to stay present for the entire duration.  Usually I end up making grocery lists, solving family issues or generally allowing my thoughts to overtake my self-awareness.

At the root of my problem of not following through on my plans to become who I was born to be is one simple word: CHAOS !!

I am a `squiggly`in the psychological definition of personality type.  There`s squares, rectangles, circles and us, disorganized, all-over-the-place squigglies.  I start projects, let them drop.  I have fantastic ideas but never follow through on them.  I start cleaning the house and end up reading that book I found.  I begin to make spaghetti sauce and end up with chili.  This might seem like a cute trait, but, believe me, living in this head can sometimes be chaotic and frustrating.

Since I began my morning meetings with my neighbor and friend I`ve done some major work on myself and come to terms with some issues that were blocking me.  Sobriety is an ongoing process, mother issues are on the table and I feel ready to move forward with beginning to work on some of my deepest goals.

For the first time this morning I put my nose to the grindstone and, for ten minutes, I breathed in Order and breathed out Chaos.  I want to get the business so organized that a mere, solid hour of work every morning is all it takes to keep the paperwork up to date.  I wish to have the house in a place where another precious hour a day keeps it tidy and cheery.  That is 2 hours out of the precious 24 the universe re-gifts to me each morning.  Twenty two hours to spend as I please.

I can write my novel.
I can enjoy nature.
I can make new friends.
I can pamper myself.
I can enjoy my grandchildren.
I can do whatever I please.

This gift of personal freedom has been there for the past few years ever since I left the rat race to join my husband in running the family business. I`ve wasted it through my drinking, procrastination, disorganization and self-loathing actions.

With my daily meditation practice now focused on bringing order into my life and releasing the chaos that has crippled me emotionally, I stand poised to move on to the next phase of my life: Daily Conscious Living!

It`s there for the taking.


  1. Hi Deb, I have been wanting to do meditation for a while now because I think it would be so beneficial for me. I love how you are bringing order to your life and releasing the chaos. I would love to be able to do that. I'm definitely going to look into it. A x

  2. Yay! Love it Deb! I'm feeling your fire!!

    I love meditation too!!!! I'm taking a class on Thursday nights and I've download an App called Headspace (an orange circle App) It's wonderful and the guys voice brings me deep into meditation every single time. Rock it girl! You inspire me ya know....

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  4. Meditation is a big game changer for me. My life is finally coming together and a lot of the credit goes to sitting still. Hoping it continues.

    1. Glad you're feeling better (well you were anyway!) I'm trying to be appreciative of the moments of order without ruining them with the fear that they might be finite. Any moment of peace is worth celebrating x