Wednesday 10 September 2014

Moving Forward After Relapse

I see how easy it would be to continue to drink.

My alcoholic neighbor came to visit just when I had taken my first glass of wine and cheered me on. Him and hubby both talked gushingly on how drinking wine is good for the health, sociable and, generally, the right thing to do.  They actually thought they were very wise and helpful.

By coincidence, after my second glass of wine last night my son who is trying to cut down his drinking called to say he'd be dropping over.  When he and his wife arrived I held up my glass of wine and announced that, after four months of abstaining, I was having drinks.  They were both HAPPY!  My hubby chimed in and said he was glad he got his drinking buddy back and that I had been boring while abstaining.  I have to say that my son told me he was proud of me for abstaining for that length of time; only he, a fellow problem drinker, knows how tough it can be.  Everyone excitedly discussed how we can have drinks together in the new house and how it'll be so much fun.

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and the determination not to let this slip result in the daily drinking of tons of wine.  Last night, I buckled under intense pressure and stress and am still feeling like I don't want to be here, in this trailer, in this mud, dealing with business and personal issues waiting for the house to be completed.  Escape is tempting.

If I drink tonight I am doomed.  I can't go down that road again.  I want to be able to say in a few weeks that I've done five months sober with one little hiccup.  It will take every ounce of strength I have to follow through.

I am NOT boring when I am sober.  I think hubby and everyone else would think I was fun to be around if I had a glass of something red in my hand; no matter what was in it.  I feel like I have to 'secretly' not drink.  I have the opposite problem of those who secretly drink.  Go figure!!

Screw everyone!  I have to do this for me.


  1. go Granny... It's for you but them too even though they might not realise it. Just remember remember remember why you wanted to stop in the first place... Go back and re-read your early posts... Everyone is stressed and on edge but you will be so thankful for getting through this sober xxx got your back xxx

  2. Hi Deb, In my opinion I do not feel you have relapsed just a small hiccup on your journey. You have had 138 days sober out of 139 days which is really fantastic. Don't be too hard on yourself. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up after a slip but you are such a strong inspirational lady I know you can do it for you. Big hugs xx

  3. People often say what they think you want to hear.
    Do what feels right for you.
    Don't let that booze voice suck you back in.
    You can do it.


  4. Thanks, guys and gals: I appreciate the support. I am surprisingly ok with the hiccup and am so glad to have you here with me to keep me on the straight and narrow. My cockiness is always what gets me. I start thinking I don't have a problem. I need you guys so much... xoxo