I never thought it would happen to me. All my sober cyber friends kept talking about their eyes losing that bloodshot tired look and I kept checking and they never seemed to lose their yellow opaque colour or the red veins that made them look slightly stoned.
Finally, after close to two months sober, as I was putting on a bit of eyeliner I noticed !!! My whites were brightly white and the red was no more. My greenish brown eyes actually look pretty; not faded and tortured. Some things take a while. My poor, put upon liver probably had other vital organs to clean out before it got around to my eyeballs.
I had lunch with my son to celebrate his 32nd birthday today. He was a party animal up until, coincidently, the same weekend I quit. He has been able to have a beer or two at weddings and at the bar after his weekly soccer match without going on to drink a dozen or two. Had has a beautiful one year old son and wants to be there for him and not be a drunk Daddy. I told him how unusual it was that he was able to moderate and that he should keep his guard up but that I was very proud of him for working on his drinking. He really had me scared for a few years with his binge drinking.
I wish I could report the hardships of sobriety but I just can't think of any. Maybe it's because I was really ready to stop. I am very happy to have a lemonade, lemon water or A/F beer when everyone is having a drink. The door is closed on drinking.
The more I read about conscious living, the more I am learning to accept my bad habits and lack of ambition to change as not definitive of who I am. Rather, I treat myself with the love and patience I generously shower on my kids, husband and friends. When the time is right to incorporate another positive change into my life, it will come to pass. The important thing is to love myself just as I am. Most of us ex-drinkers really have to make an effort to accept ourselves with all our flaws. We are our own worst critics. Unlearning this is the key element to enacting any positive change. Sobriety is the first and most important step.
I hope to blog more often now that I have internet at the trailer.
I'm with you on this one! It took months (months!) for my eyes to look white, and I admit I was jealous of all those people who talked about their bright eyes a few days after they quit. But mine finally whitened up too!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've commented before but I've really enjoyed reading your blog. It's good to hear you're doing so well with the sober life. Treating yourself with love and patience sounds like the right way to go for sure. Nice to hear your son has sorted his stuff out, too. Take care. xo
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