Every night is a party night around here!! My Uncle and his partner came to see my Mom before she left for home and my DIL cooked us some delicious food. The house was alive with laughter and fun. Despite my best morning intentions, I, not only poured myself a glass of wine but almost insisted my DIL join me. She explained that her and my son had been trying to cut down during the week as around here 'every night's a party'. We agreed that we would not drink during the week anymore. We even shook hands on it.
The Witching Hour
This is the time of day that the wine calls me. I am very sincere in the mornings when I blog about not drinking and right up to 5:00 pm, I am still planning on abstaining. Like I said in an earlier post, my body seems to float to the box o' wine (which has been moved upstairs again) and glug, glug, glug. I am so sick of the repetition of it all and the never following through. It's tempting to just give up and drink. After all, my drinking is usually just two glasses or so....
But I Have to Keep On Trying ...
The reason I have to beat the beast even if it takes the rest of my life is because I am a prime example of the progressiveness of addiction. If I knew then (when I started ten years ago) what I know now, I would have never thought that a glass of wine every night with dinner was cool. Now the compulsion to drink a glass of wine (or 3) is such a strong urge that it is not so much a decision as a reaction.
That's why meditation, quiet time and reflection are crucial to mastering my mind. We are all on automatic reflex when it comes to so many actions we take throughout the day. It's that automatic reflex that causes us to float through life never really experiencing it.
I am on Day One again and right now it seems so certain. I must look up some tools to help me deal with the 'witching hour' so my body does not take on it's zombie like actions and trick me into drinking wine.
Normally, I don't get drunk. The true reason for me quitting is to gain control over something that seems to have control over me. We were all created with the 'will' to determine every action we take. We can't control our thoughts but we surely can control our reaction to our thoughts.
Monday is the start of a new week and a new journey with no excuses. Our little family will be working during the day and enjoying our dinner together. It is not a party; it is a family dinner. The little guy (18 months old) is entertainment enough without the glass of wine. He sure is a sweetie. I am really enjoying him and his parents (who seem to have a better handle on their booze intake than I do). I cherish every moment they are with us. I want to enjoy them and my life in an authentic, alive way; not through the distorting screen of booze.
I'll get there eventually but I wish I could impart to all those who are just beginning to think that drinking wine nightly is elegant and cool. It might very well be but the price we eventually pay is huge. Addiction is not a dirty word. It is the body and brain's response to repeated behaviours that cause temporary sustenance to our brain's pleasure receptors. It can happen to everyone and it's a bitch to pry oneself free from.