Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Buckets List & Putting My Needs First

At almost sixty years old I am at that age where some of my peers are getting sick and dying.  I've lost two friends from the street where I raised my kids.  We were a gaggle of stay-at-home Moms with similar aged kids all buying our little starter homes at the same time from the developer.  We took turns sitting out on driveways refereeing, providing popcicles and bandaids to the kids and advice and empathy to each other.  Becky and Marilyn were both lovely women and great mothers.  They have both died within the past few months; leaving adult children to grieve them and to raise their own children less one loving Grandma.

Of course reading about Becky's death today in the Newspaper reinforced the fact that life moves along and time waits for no one.  When our time is up, we have to bow out whether our job here on this plane is done or not.  If I was to be taken today, I would regret so much time wasted in self-reproach, unfinished business and unmet goals.

Living each day as if it was our last is easily said and not so easily done.  Today I put together a list which was originally titled "Sober Bucket List" but I renamed it dropping the "Sober".  It includes modest but important goals I've set for myself.  Learning to dive is on that list.   Staying sober is too.

Because we run a family business and hubby is the brains behind the construction end of the business, we often discuss whether or when he will retire as his expertise will always be needed (or so he thinks). He is almost 68.  I've always enthusiastically joined in and encouraged him to slow down if he is tired.  What I've never thought of until recently is the fact that it goes without saying that when hubby slows down I am expected to keep the administrative end of the company running for my son who will take over eventually.  Recently I drew a line in the sand and declared that at age 65 I plan on removing myself from the company entirely.  The reasons for this are many.  I have never had an interest or passion for construction or finances; both of which are large components of my job.  I wish to pursue my own interests and possible business ideas which is almost impossible with the workload of the family business.  What they will do to replace me is not my problem.

The drinking me would have never even put my needs or desires near the top of any list.  The sober me cares about the quality of my life in the future if I am fortunate enough to be here.  My job for the next five years is to work hard and help create a lucrative company that can continue long into the future with our without hubby's help but definitely without mine.

If after only 31 days of sobriety I am making these kinds of decisions, who knows what the future holds.


1 comment:

  1. Congrats on 31 days! It's fantastic that you are putting yourself first. When we are drinking we feel so guilty that we don't tend to be kind to ourselves at all. Well done Deb! A x