Tonight hubby suggested we go out for dinner. I hadn't mentioned to him that I've been sober for 12 days. I've done it so many times that it's a non-issue. He really wanted a pub atmosphere with live music and draft beer. Yikes. I tried to maneuver our way to a Thai Restaurant so I could drink tea but that restaurant was dead and, like I said, he wanted action.
I was arguing with myself and making deals about drinking a virgin caesar (Canadian version of a Bloody Mary) or a beer but not tell anyone or maybe I can only drink when I'm out with hubby; not at home. I can't believe I was suckered into this song and dance.
We sat down and he realized he had forgotten his phone in the car. He suggested I order a pitcher of draft beer and left to grab the phone. I was desperately searching for the waitress so I could oreder our drinks. My mind was spinning. I finally caught the her eye and asked about virgin drinks. She suggested a Shirley Temple. Bars aren't very accommodating to us abstainers. I then ordered him a large Keith's Draft and myself a club soda with lime.
Ya I know, hurray for me. But I came close. I did go through the should I, shouldn't I conversations in my head. What stopped me: mostly that one of those Moon Women from my big confessional outburst might be at this same bar. They did not seem much like Bar Flies; more like Tea Room Hippies but there was a chance. Another thought that stopped me was that I knew I would regret it. From countless same situations, I do not recall one time that I drank after a period of abstinence and afterwards, declared that it was a 'good idea'. Inevitably and predictably, I would regret it. That I knew to be true.
Being at a bar and having access to draft beer is a BIG TRIGGER for me. I love cold draft beer even thought I am fighting my wine addiction. I had no business being there. Hubby is so good to me and my elderly Mom and he works so hard, when he expressed such enthusiasm for the Bar Scene I wanted to please him by being agreeable.
Did not drinking affect my good time? Not at all. I did consciously decide at some point to get high on life and I was tuned in and focused on having fun. There was a loud, guitarist playing and singing and the whole bar was singing along with him which was fun. The food was good. While we were there my son texted us to announce he had finalized the deal to buy a house 15 minutes from us. We were both happy about this news and toasted our good fortune.
All in all it was a close call but I really have a hard time believing I would have had a drink. I am too fed up with the absolute stupidity of me drinking. I just can't handle it emotionally.
Just letting you know I am still here and sober.