Sober, Selfish and Satisfied

Almost at Day 30 and still on a doozy of a honeymoon.  I had two of my former co-workers and their husbands for dinner last night so they could finally see our house as a finished product.  These women have been my good friends for close to ten years and we've seen each other through lots of births, deaths and challenges.  We all have kids; adopted as well as natural, we are all grandmothers of young ones and I love them dearly.  We had red wine on hand as there was an Italian contingent among them.  Elaine brought farm fresh eggs laid by her chickens and maple syrup from her trees.  A small jar took forty jars of sap to produce so it was liquid gold.  Pina and Gino brought a nicely wrapped bottle of Chianti (my favourite).  I didn't miss a beat.  I made us women pre-dinner drinks and hubby handled the men.  I poured ice, tonic water, pineapple juice and a few drops of Wild Orange Essential Oil in tall glasses and we were all set.  Not one of them wanted booze.  At dinner Elaine and I abstained, Pina had half a glass of red and the men polished off two bottles as well as a small glass of brandy.

All this to say, I was the belle of the ball, happily serving up salmon with anchovy lemon sauce, rapini and fritters.  The meal had it's flaws as I tried new recipes and I was OK with that. My dessert was a No-Fail Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk concoction served with coffee and tea.  I was not tempted to drink the wine.  I don't know why but I hope it's because of the new reality in my mind;  The one I've been denying for years.  One leads to another and another and another until eventually I end up 'Quitting' again (an oxymoron if I ever heard one).

After the company left, I finished tidying up which the sober me had quietly kept up with all evening.  Hubby then joined me on the couch.  I was sitting and he was lying with his head in my lap complaining about feeling dizzy and drunk.  No envy coming from this happy abstainer.

My cousins from Montreal, Quebec City, Toronto and Ottawa are all converging in Montreal at the end of the month for s 'soiree de les cousines' and I am attending.  I am so excited.  My sister just posted on Facebook that she's going to drink us all under the table.  Let 'er at it!!

I now accept my problem with alcohol for what it is: All or Nothing.  To live an authentic, fulfilling life, I choose Nothing.  It's black and white for me.

We have a 22 degree Celsius day ahead and I plan on being outside for most of it.  In American, 22 degrees is somewhere between warm and hot.  My son may bring his 2 year old over to play and my daughter may bring her 8 month and 20 month old girls over.  I told them both I am open to having them over but I'll be outside all day.

Hey more good news:  I offered my sister from Seattle who is coming in for a wedding the use of my car but the catch is that she has to fly into Ottawa to pick it up and drive to Toronto for the wedding then drive it back to Ottawa even though hubby and I'll be in Toronto at the wedding too.  Her logic was that I could drive the car home and she could fly to Seattle out of Toronto.  I am being generous with lending my car and the drinking, insecure me would have said, OK.  I told her I don't want to drive in Toronto so I will not be doing so.  She is so used to me caving so she tried to use her wit and charm to guilt me into it.  The selfish me said "No." Use my car, that's all I am offering.  This is huge for the usual pushover me.

I am rambling but thought I should post on my blog as this is a huge part of my recovery and to skip more than a week spells trouble.  Have a great week and I'll check in soon.

Namaste