Moving Forward After Relapse

I see how easy it would be to continue to drink.

My alcoholic neighbor came to visit just when I had taken my first glass of wine and cheered me on. Him and hubby both talked gushingly on how drinking wine is good for the health, sociable and, generally, the right thing to do.  They actually thought they were very wise and helpful.

By coincidence, after my second glass of wine last night my son who is trying to cut down his drinking called to say he'd be dropping over.  When he and his wife arrived I held up my glass of wine and announced that, after four months of abstaining, I was having drinks.  They were both HAPPY!  My hubby chimed in and said he was glad he got his drinking buddy back and that I had been boring while abstaining.  I have to say that my son told me he was proud of me for abstaining for that length of time; only he, a fellow problem drinker, knows how tough it can be.  Everyone excitedly discussed how we can have drinks together in the new house and how it'll be so much fun.

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and the determination not to let this slip result in the daily drinking of tons of wine.  Last night, I buckled under intense pressure and stress and am still feeling like I don't want to be here, in this trailer, in this mud, dealing with business and personal issues waiting for the house to be completed.  Escape is tempting.

If I drink tonight I am doomed.  I can't go down that road again.  I want to be able to say in a few weeks that I've done five months sober with one little hiccup.  It will take every ounce of strength I have to follow through.

I am NOT boring when I am sober.  I think hubby and everyone else would think I was fun to be around if I had a glass of something red in my hand; no matter what was in it.  I feel like I have to 'secretly' not drink.  I have the opposite problem of those who secretly drink.  Go figure!!

Screw everyone!  I have to do this for me.