Sober October!

It seems that I am challenged on every front when I go for sobriety.  I haven't found it since my relapse a few weeks ago except for a few days here and there.  Hubby is thrilled to bits I'm joining him for a drink.  Our friends were so relieved to have me accept a beer on Friday night (they had nothing else to offer), my social life has become much more 'fun' in the past weeks as I now am one of the gang rather than the boring, social outcast the drinkers perceive me to be.

But I still want out.  Even two glasses of wine gives me heart palpitations, dehydration, lethargy and, often, that 3:00 a.m. wake-up call.  I am also obsessing over it again whereas I had fallen into a pattern where other areas of life were being explored.  Now I'm back to Should I?, Shouldn't I? How much? How often?

I am from that generation where, for many women, the importance of pleasing others far outweighs that of pleasing oneself.

I thought hubby was on board after our long talk back in March.  He seemed to get it.  He doesn't.

I will start small by abstaining for the month of October (including today my friends) and not say anything to anyone about it.  I don't get support; I get dismay so it'll be our little secret.  Hubby and I have been eating a lot in restaurants lately and I've been having a draft at our local pub.  It's my achilles tendon these days so I'll try to avoid going there at night and stick to enjoying their lovely breakfast options.  Wine, which was my poison of choice, is not calling me although this weekend, since I was drinking anyway, I had one with my meal both Saturday and Sunday.  Sounds innocent but to those reading this blog, it's the beginning of the end; we all know that.

I hope I can do this with your support and not that of my 'real' family and friends.

I wish I was addicted to heroin.  At least I would get support and not scorn.

Day 1