The Warning Signs Were There

Thanks for all the support, guys!!

We went for Thai food last night and we both just drank water.  I had a mango salad and some nice soup.  I had no desire for drinks which makes sense as I'd been thinking about nothing but jumping back on the bandwagon all day.

I was discussing with a fellow abstainer how the urge to drink seems to blindside us but in hindsight there were signs I was going to relapse.

If I recall with honesty the days leading up to my relapse, I'll admit that I had started romancing the booze again and that I'd taken a sip of hubby's beer on two occasions and a few of his wine.  I was feeling jealous of drinkers.  I had conveniently forgotten or was forgetting that it's different with me. These normies could have their glass or two of wine or mug of beer and that would be it.  With me and probably you, that first glass of wine or whatever you drink only leads to the opening of the floodgates.

When I succumbed on a nondescript evening for no reason whatsoever, I had about three large glasses of red and woke up with a pounding headache.  The next two weeks were a series of a beer here, a few glasses of red there; every where a drinking opportunity presented itself, I greedily accepted. It had no where to go but downhill from there.

As much as I regret starting back at day one :-( I don't really feel upset with myself; just resigned to move forward and learn from this.  No big drunk happened, I had nothing but support with my decision to drink except from my daughter and my neighbor across the street who both said what should have been said by all: "You've done so well.  Are you sure you want to drink after all your progress and all you've said about wanting to quit?"

People aren't "bad" for encouraging me to drink.  They are simply ignorant of the realities of our obsession with booze.  Their brains don't function like ours do so how are they to truly understand the mental anguish of a boozer going back on the sauce?

I am feeling strong again and now will be hyper-aware of any romancing my monkey mind tries to do with the thoughts of drinking.  Like one of you suggested, back to reading Jason Vale's book.  He's got it right.

Last night I went for my second yoga class and already am feeling stronger and more steady (since last Monday) probably because I've been walking in the woods, swimming with my neighbor in her indoor pool (lucky me) and on the weekend I kayaked twice.  I am slowly building up my core and I felt it last night.  The best part about the hour of yoga is that I did not think about ANYTHING for an hour except breathing and holding positions.  I felt like my brain went through a car wash.

Enough rambling!! Have a safe, sober, conscious day my friends.