Good-Bye Self-Improvement !!

As time goes by and I continue with my starts and stops in the booze biz, I have come to realize that life is not about lists, goals, self-improvement projects and such.  I have been fooled into thinking that if I ever get to the point where all the items on my many lists are checked off, I will finally achieve serenity, ever-lasting happiness and will finally hang my hat and rest in the glory of all I've become.

The truth is that if I keep creating and working on lists of positive changes I will never rest.  Every small achievement will be met with an even greater challenge.  Staying sober will never be enough.  If I keep going the way I'm headed I won't be happy until do the following on a daily basis:

• become an early riser
• meditate and exercise faithfully
• create juices and smoothies
• eat tons of fruit and veggies
• keep a perfectly clean home
• run the family business to the point of wealth
• be the perfect Granny to my four precious grandchildren
• be the perfect husband to my hardworking man
• look my best and dress well
• do a little something to change the world

.... and the list goes on.

All these goals are worthy ones.  All would be of use to me in areas of health, wealth and happiness but, in reality, I will never continuously achieve them all on a daily basis.  At the age of 58 I am coming to realize something that I hope you all learn at a much earlier age. We can't do it all.

Recently, I went through my writings on my laptop with the intent of creating files and organizing what I've written into categories.  My largest file by far is my 'self-improvement' one.  It has far more material than all the others combined.  What that tells me is that I am wasting much of my life planning rather than doing.  I spend hours creating schedules and lists of changes I wish to make.  This time could be better spent actually living.

This may be the most important post I've ever written.  I owe it to myself to throw away my lists and plans that involve self improvement.  All the important items are etched solidly in my mind.  I will trust myself to incorporate those habits that resonate with where I am at any given time in the future.

My future will unfold from now on in the natural flowing way that nature intended.  I am an intelligent woman and I will trust my instincts and urges from now on.  My lists will be destroyed immediately after this post is published.  It will free up space in my computer and my mind for actually living each day as it unfolds with the knowledge I've accumulated over my many years on this earth.

I will live soberly, instinctively, wisely and, most important: JOYFULLY!