The most recent comment I've received has opened my eyes to, yet, another aspect of sobriety. For the longest time I've been wracking my brain trying to find ways to fit in with my former drinking pals and the drinking culture we live in. I'm trying to find alternate drinks to have in hand when socializing, excuses as to why I'm abstinent and staying on the same life path; albeit soberly.
My friend touched on not only sobriety as a goal but a new sober life as the ultimate goal. I don't need to try to fit in with the others when they sit, chat and drink. I can choose to sit with nothing in hand if I'm not thirsty. I can, alternately, busy myself with a preferred activity, if sitting around drinkers doesn't appeal to me at any given time.
I don't have to fit in. I just have to be me. I think having the view of being on the outside trying to upkeep the illusion of being part of the gang is what has held me back from pursuing all the goals that originally reinforced my desire to stop poisoning myself with wine.
I have taken up yoga and that means Mondays can never be a drinking night. I do water aerobics twice a week with my new neighbor and friend who has an indoor pool; so happy she's adopted me. We are very comfortable with each other and she struggles with her own demons with are parallel but not the same as mine. I need to be clear headed to get the benefits of both the friendship and the physical activity. Lately, as a bi-product of my long term abstinence, I've been walking for forty minutes every other day in the deep woods surrounding my new home. I've mentioned before that I've been gifted with a maintained trail that meanders alongside the river and starts a few metres from my front door. Meditative walking has transformed my life and my snow shoes are just waiting to aid me in continuing this lovely habit when the snow falls. Attempting to continue these activities on a long term basis is counter-productive and darn near impossible if I try to straddle the drinking culture and the yogic one. I choose the path closest to nature; the one that warms my soul.
Self inflicted lethargy, regret, physical discomfort and apathy is not part of the culture I choose to be part of. Wine has no place on my path. Each and every time I drink wine, whether it's one glass or four, immediately, regret seeps into my soul and from it's roots spring self-hatred and pain.
I had no wine last night and feel energetic and spiritually uplifted today. I humbly say to you and to myself, "I will endeavor to make each choice in each moment of each day, one that brings me closer to happiness rather than one that brings me closer to pain."
I choose to put this blog to bed and to finish my work so I can enjoy the rest of the day unfettered by regret.