Friday, 3 October 2014

Substitution VS A Different Life

The most recent comment I've received has opened my eyes to, yet, another aspect of sobriety.  For the longest time I've been wracking my brain trying to find ways to fit in with my former drinking pals and the drinking culture we live in.  I'm trying to find alternate drinks to have in hand when socializing, excuses as to why I'm abstinent and staying on the same life path; albeit soberly.

My friend touched on not only sobriety as a goal but a new sober life as the ultimate goal.  I don't need to try to fit in with the others when they sit, chat and drink.  I can choose to sit with nothing in hand if I'm not thirsty.  I can, alternately, busy myself with a preferred activity, if sitting around drinkers doesn't appeal to me at any given time.

I don't have to fit in.  I just have to be me.  I think having the view of being on the outside trying to upkeep the illusion of being part of the gang is what has held me back from pursuing all the goals that originally reinforced my desire to stop poisoning myself with wine.

I have taken up yoga and that means Mondays can never be a drinking night.  I do water aerobics twice a week with my new neighbor and friend who has an indoor pool; so happy she's adopted me. We are very comfortable with each other and she struggles with her own demons with are parallel but not the same as mine.  I need to be clear headed to get the benefits of both the friendship and the physical activity.  Lately, as a bi-product of my long term abstinence, I've been walking for forty minutes every other day in the deep woods surrounding my new home.  I've mentioned before that I've been gifted with a maintained trail that meanders alongside the river and starts a few metres from my front door.  Meditative walking has transformed my life and my snow shoes are just waiting to aid me in continuing this lovely habit when the snow falls.  Attempting to continue these activities on a long term basis is counter-productive and darn near impossible if I try to straddle the drinking culture and the yogic one.  I choose the path closest to nature; the one that warms my soul.

Self inflicted lethargy, regret, physical discomfort and apathy is not part of the culture I choose to be part of.  Wine has no place on my path.  Each and every time I drink wine, whether it's one glass or four, immediately, regret seeps into my soul and from it's roots spring self-hatred and pain.

I had no wine last night and feel energetic and spiritually uplifted today.  I humbly say to you and to myself, "I will endeavor to make each choice in each moment of each day, one that brings me closer to happiness rather than one that brings me closer to pain."

I choose to put this blog to bed and to finish my work so I can enjoy the rest of the day unfettered by regret.


  1. Deb, there are some great posts here. You are not alone in any of this. We are all here right with you. When I felt weak this past week, I looked to you for support and got it. Your blogs (in whatever shape they take) help me more than you can know. Thank you for posting and keep up this good work. Sherry

  2. Lovely. I love you affirmation.

  3. A beautiful thoughtful post.Thoughts and love are with you from the other side of the world. Joey xx

  4. Ditto! Beautiful post and you are doing so many good things for yourself! Here's to more of that! Thanks for sharing as it does help us all!

  5. Oh sweetie, thank you so much for being honest, I'm in exactly the same boat. I was in control, then I wasn't, then I felt so embarrassed, then I couldn't put myself out there anymore because it's the soberverse and I just wasn't. Gradually I stopped reading the blogs. You and me, we have to believe we can do this, we really do. You did better than me, I got to 121 before I realised the desire was never going to go and well, I was ok with it till something really bad happened and I'd let it back in hadn't I? I so didn't want it to be forever, or rather I did but I didn't want to be thinking about it anymore. Now I think it's probably always going to be with me and I have to learn to live with it. It's a really frightening prospect because I'm just little me... Anyway, I'm with you. I'm going to clean my house, light the fire, make cookies, watch a movie with my daughter, and Wolfie is going to have to look elsewhere for his fun tonight xxx

  6. I'm glad that you're finding fulfilment not in the approval of others, but in the knowledge that you are making the right choice for yourself. Diverting your attention to other activities will be helpful in that it will also allow you to expand your horizons. The road to a completely non-alcoholic life doesn't have to be rough and troublesome. And you are proof of that! Keep at it, Deb! :)

    Donnie Benson @ Midwest Institute for Addiction