Insomnia by the Moon

Last night I did not drink and was very thankful that when my daughter called in crisis, I was able to get in the car late at night and drive over icy roads to her home to comfort her.  She is pregnant for her second and her first is just seven months old so she is tired, scared and weepy.  I was able to be there for her and she was grateful.  When I arrived I quickly cleaned up her kitchen, made us some tea and sat and knitted quietly allowing her to break the silence when she was ready. We talked but we both knew there was not much to say as this was an 'accept the things you cannot change' moments.  I drove home when her hubby arrived from work and went to bed still feeling the effects of the cold I am in the midst of.

Sleep came and went.  I have been awake a lot lately at night and I think it has more to do with menopause than drinking or abstaining.  Our bedroom window faces the back of the property which is forested and I have bohemian type, transparent curtains that consist of many strings hanging down.  The moon has been situated in my direct line of vision from my side of the bed for the past few nights.  Rather than feeling awful about being awake every hour on the hour, I've enjoyed gazing at the almost full moon.  As a female, the moon has pulled my monthly cycles to and fro for years and only recently has my body began to resist it's pull.  I have great respect and an affinity for the huge, globular lunar light and it's mysterious connection to fertility.

Commencing the end of my moon time at such a late age has given me plenty of time to gracefully accept all the changes that menopause brings.  The dryness, the heavy or lack of flow, the insomnia are all part of it.  I can hardly wait for the mood swings and hot flashes ... NOT!  I will try to accept them as I have no choice.  Life is cyclical; nothing stays the same.  Good times pass.  Bad times pass.  Life goes on.

Being sober is a gift.  Being there for my children is a gift.  I wish I could tell the younger women around me what a waste of precious experience they are self-imposing by sipping glass after glass of wine ... numbing themselves from the best part of their lives.

We all have to find our own way and it took me until now to appreciate being totally present for all that's left of my life.  I am not going to miss another authentic moment.