I need sobriety because my life depends on it. If I continue as I am, painfully moderating, there's a good chance I'll live to a ripe old age as my 'controlled' drinking is minimally harmful. The very sad and pathetic fact is that my authentic, conscious self will continue it's slow decline until I end up a soulless hollow shell of who I truly am. My whole life will have been wasted on feeding the fires of this truly remarkable foe: alcoholism.
I am helpless against the beast unless I am surrounded my sober soldiers. I need the support of a community of like minded souls. I now meditate and chat with my friend every morning at six a.m. She is winning the war with her addiction and has attributed much of her success to our meetings. For the first time since last February when I began my four month A/F stint I feel empowered again. Everything is falling into place. Belle has felt my readiness over the ocean that divides us. She has invited me to another 100 day challenge. I am up for it and am committed to spending an hour a day on sober sites reading, interacting and succeeding.
Thanks to Belle and everyone who has not given up on me.