Since January 1st my lovely neighbor/friend and I have been meeting every morning at 6:00 a.m. to read daily insights from my Book of Awakenings. We then discuss how they relate to us and sit in quiet meditation. What a great way to begin each day.
I recently asked if we could also include a little report on how we are doing with our addictions. We are both working on giving up some dangerous habits. She agreed and since then, I've been a good, non-drinker. Typical me! I can fail myself easily but am not going to fail someone else. Whatever it takes.
Afterwards, I go for a short walk and, when I return home, I usually am alone in the house for a time before the others yawn to life. I've been knitting. With four young grandchildren and a fifth on the way (my daughter's baby will be only a year old when she's due), you would think I would be knitting a sweater or blanket for one of the little ones. Not so. I've decided that as part of my self-nurturing I will knit myself a blood red scarf to wear on my cold morning walks. It has become a necessity to cover my face now that the winter has turned cold and my scarf will be pretty and useful. It also is symbolic of the journey to sobriety I have embarked upon. There are some places where I've dropped stitches and had to go back and pick them up. I've had the wool break once or twice and have had to knot it and weave it into the whole structure. I've picked up and put down this project many times in the past months much like the ups and downs of my journey towards becoming alcohol free. I can go months without looking at it and work feverishly on it for days at a time only to drop a stitch or two and lose confidence for a time.
I want it to be different this time. I want to see this project to the end. I want to pick it up daily and weave my love, commitment, self discipline and love into it creating a work of art and a useful tool in my life's journey. I want to wear this red scarf proudly and have it shield me from the bitter cold as my sobriety protects me from harming myself.
As I walk the paths and fields of my neighborhood, I will wear my lovely red scarf and it will serve as a reminder of the painstaking trail I've marked with as many mistakes as good intentions to eventually arrive at my journey's end.