I`ve been minding an eighteen month old while his parents are on holiday... that`s exhausting.
Hubby has been saying some self-promoting, hurtful things to boost himself up at my expense... that`s irritating.
Most evenings I`ve found myself alone while not alone while hubby loses himself in TV ... I get bored.
Naturally the thoughts of drinking are front and centre especially since hubby drinks wine or beer most evenings although not to excess.
I`ve found myself able to ride these feelings or cravings by just letting them enter my being, build to a climax and slowly dissipate ... just observing them rather than judging, analyzing or, even worse, acting on them.
The little guy I am minding is a sweet toddler and although, I am tired at the end of the day I know it`s only for this week so it`s pretty easy to ride this one out.
Hubby`s insensitive words were the hardest to stay authentic through. I am grateful that I`ve been doing some work on resting in the present, being aware that it`s not all about me and generally accepting that people will say and do things that make me uncomfortable. I find myself not saying much to defend myself and letting things go. Sometimes we all need to blow off some steam.
Generally he is a great guy but we all can`t be perfect. :-)
Some evenings could be spent out of the home getting involved in the community or visiting friends. I hate the cold but it`s a reality where I live in the coldest capital city in the world (it rivals Moscow) but I will get out more. I look forward to it. It will happen and I will report on it.
So I continue on the 11th day of my sober journey knowing that life will continue to throw challenges at me. Booze doesn`t help and the thought of drinking just reminds me that I don`t need another inevitable day one. I`ve had too many and if I drink will definitely be adding yet another one to my path to authenticity.
I am happy and serene lately despite the real problems those I love are facing. I love my kids and feel their pain but know that nothing stays the same. Everything gets better. Everything gets worse. I`ll ride out life`s ups and downs staying awake and aware. I`ll continue to be responsible for my actions by accepting my thoughts and feelings as real but transient.
Today I have a rare day to myself. What shall I get up to?