I Almost Lost You

For a good portion of an hour today,  I had the audacity to believe that I had outgrown this blog now that I was sober.  I thought I could go out there and do bigger and better things... change the world!! 

I reasoned I am not helping anyone anyways because it's all sugar and spice around here and that I've got nothing to say because it's so easy this time.   I don't have strong cravings and my life is so gosh darn zippidy doo dah .. happy.  I giddily began planning my next blog which had nothing to do with recovery but everything to do with saving the world... you know .. now that I was healed.

As I was searching for new blogging platforms and playing with my e-mail accounts to set things up, I accidently deleted the Gmail account that carries this blog.  I didn't panic until I had clicked a few icons and realized that recovery is only possible under certain circumstances and it has to be quickly done before it becomes final.

My ten minutes of denied access to 'Granny Gets Sober' was very well spent.  I was given the gift of reflection and realized two things.  One was that I do, indeed, have the perfect life on the outside.  Without going into detail, my relationships with my husband, children and grandchildren are healthy and respectful and they with each other for the most part.  My husband and I have enjoyed working our butts off in the family business and have been rewarded with a very comfortable life.  There are no health issues in our family either. So with all that and more going for me, I am happy. So what? 

I re-read some previous posts.  That was an eye opener.  The second thing I had to acknowledge is that I'm a conflicted soul.  The world sees mostly the real me but I do reserve a little of myself.  This blog is where I can let my real self just be.  It's not that I'm happy on the outside and sad on the inside but, like all of us, I have fears and self-criticisms and the odd shaky moment with regard to taking a drink.  This blog is where I've been working through them while gladly accepting the gifts of your comments reassuring me, telling me your stories and just being there.  While going through those posts I realized that I was helping by simply being part of this sober cyber world; another vulnerable recovering alcoholic.

This blog is also an important part of my lifeline to my friends in recovery.  You'll never get a post from me before I've spent upwards to an hour checking Mrs. D's vibrant antics or I'll head over to check out Belle's amazing talents.  Then I might get some chuckles out of the guy with 'the six year hangover' Along the way I mosey into the gardens and kitchens of many other sober bloggers for a visit or to put my two cents in.  It's my 'hood'.      

Now that I've come to my senses, I figure my Ego and his alter-ego, My Alkie Voice (kinda like Pete and Repeat) are trying a last ditch effort to convince me to start dropping the new found tools that have been instrumental in my finally starting to live an authentic life.

Phew !!