Dancing with Baby

I spent the weekend at the lake and had the honour of hosting three of our four children and their young families.  We had two babies (just learning to walk) and a sweetheart of a three year old who has just learned to whine.  I made a deal with her while swimming that Granny would splash her every time she whined and it worked!!  She curbed her droning.. ha ha.

I am a music nut and since I've been sober I've downloaded a lot of songs to my I-phone.  We have a connection that allows me to play my music aloud and the babies just loved it.  They were both bopping along and trying to sing.. it was hilarious.

While dancing in the sun room with the one year old a surge of joy welled up inside me that was indescribable in it's simplistic fullness.  I was not feeling the effects of a summer buzz (which can be dizzying at it's best) and the baby and I were enjoying the music together in the innocent way that youngsters do. 

No one got drunk this weekend including people that normally do.  The family Matriarch (moi) must have some positive influence on the tribe... LOL..

My monkey mind was really trying to send me some curve balls this weekend.  It was telling me what a horrible human being and mother I was and, currently am.  It was reminding me of all the missteps I've ever taken in my life.  I, actually, caught my deeper self saying "wow, do you see what your ego is trying to do here??"  or "Isn't that interesting..." when my self talk turned nasty.  What a huge step towards conscious living that was. 

It seems when all is well and I am more than content, my alkie brain (or ego, monkey mind, Wolfie or whatever you want to call it) really digs deep to destroy me.  It used to work.  Now, it doesn't. 

Big change!  I am very happy with this subtle awakening to my negative self talk.  With this tool, I can continue to move towards my goal of being simply 'me' with no side steps to accommodate my guilt or shame.

I like this sobriety side effect.  I really like it.