Drink in Hand

In every attempted quit I've had previously, a lot of time, effort and thought was put into what to bring to drink when attending an event.  Should I bring A/F Beer, lemon water, Perrier?  When I would arrive at my social event, I would make sure, I had a drink in hand at all times like all the drinkers there.  I've even gone so far as to have concord grape juice in a wine glass to avoid the inevitable, "Why aren't you drinking?"

It's different this time.  I am, in general, not a thirsty person.  I just don't worry about what to bring, what to have in my glass.  I sit with all the drinkers and don't have anything clutched in my hand while I socialize. It wasn't planned this way. It was not a conscious decision to forgo the fuss about being like the crowd.  I just have not thought of it.

And no one seems to care.  I was at a party last night and was the Designated Driver for my hubby and my ex-husband.  They both got a little sloshed but there were no comments from them or anyone else about my abstinence. 

This time around, I know if I get asked why I am not drinking my answer would be something like "I just got sick of the drinking merry-go-round."  In all honesty, that's the truth.  We have too many social events for any human being to keep up with alcoholically.  My husband gives it a good old fashioned try but it's taking it's toll on him.  Last night he could not, ahem... perform to the degree that I've come to expect.  I jokingly told him he had to stop drinking or top up his Viagra.  We had a laugh about it but it sure is nice to be sober during intimacy and all the time really.

It is huge for me to cease to care what others think and it just happened.  If truth be told hot green or herbal tea is my drink of choice for daytime and plain water with lemon is my go to drink otherwise.  Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon with water when I think of it; that`s usually my routine.

I have to buy a bottle of red wine for guests we are hosting tonight.  At another time, doing so would have been the beginning of the end.  On this occasion it just doesn`t matter. 

Does this mean I will succeed in my sobriety?  Absolutely not but it signifies a shift in my thinking and that is crucial to healing from the curse that is addiction.

These first posts seem to be very self-centred and all about me but that`s the way it has to be Folks!  I have to do a lot of `navel gazing` in order gain the self-knowledge I need in order to heal.

Healing is happening.  I can feel it.