I often press "New Post" with no idea what I am going to write and that is the case today.
As a person struggling to abstain long term what I always looked for on-line or in written material were the joys of sobriety, the eventual gains, the promise, the rosy future. Because abstinence is difficult, I was always, and still am, searching for testimonials from people who were successful in long term sobriety.
That is why I've decided that when this journey is done I am writing a book. By the journey being done I mean when I've compiled enough of my book's content to write it. The book will be about the wondrous revelations that are starting to present themselves to me as each sober day progresses. I have had a few and they are starting to pile up. Now that I am experiencing many 'firsts' I want to share them with all the struggling problem drinkers. Here is an example:
I cut my hair. So what? It may not seem like a big deal but here is why it is.
When I was young in my pre-drinking days, I was an athletic, confident tomboy who dressed casually and wore my hair very short. I met my hubby just after I had started swilling the poison and he, being a typical male, wanted me to grow my hair. I complied, terrified that if I didn't he would not find me attractive. For the past twelve years I've worn my hair in varying degrees of 'long'.
I looked like a troll. Picture a very small, swarthy woman (4'11") with no forehead to speak of with a cascading mess of very curly dark, bristly hair. My Maltese/Aboriginal background gives me a look that gets Olas in Mexico, Nee Hows in China and Bonjours in Quebec. I can pass for almost any tanned skinned race. When my hair was above my shoulders I could pass for Carla from Cheers. Doesn't that paint a lovely picture of femininity? When it was longer I looked like Cousin Itt from the Munsters. You younger people will just have to imagine the horrors as these sit-coms are from the 70's and 80's.
When the drinking was curtailed as it has been recently more and more often, my confidence started revisiting my psyche. One day on a whim, I just told the hairdresser to take it off; all of it. She cut it so short that a barrette would not hold. She spiked it and put some paste in it (not that it needed it). The look suited me to a tee and I immediately felt a surge of self-assurance and was very happy with my decision.
I came home, put on some sexy jeans and a bit of make-up and waited for the arrival of hubby.
When he walked in he was shocked, gobsmacked as you Brits say. After a double take, a back flip and a cartwheel, he landed at my feet, swooped me into his arms and said, "You look gorgeous, babe." I almost punched him. My first thought was, "after all these years of me looking like a dog, you like this.. you actually like this????" Then I got over that hiccup and basked in his adoration.
Now, I sport an easy to manage, cute little pixie cut and have graciously accepted many compliments and positive feedback from my friends and family. My son joked that I look like a lesbian and my response was "as long as I'm a pretty lesbian, great". With the weight loss that comes from not drinking and the cute little hair cut I am feeling pretty damn hot.
I've even started smiling for photos with my buck teeth exposed but that's another story....